


Working Diagnoses

by paging_woods



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Doctors!AU, F/F, Medical!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 10:47:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6192055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paging_woods/pseuds/paging_woods
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of one shots based off diagnosis codes involving Clarke and Lexa. Tags will be updated as I write them. I am happy to take prompts!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Working Diagnoses

**Author's Note:**

> ICD-10 is the main way diagnoses are coded in medicine. There are some pretty ridiculous ones out there, so feel free to check them out and prompt away! Alternatively, send any prompt and I'll find a diagnosis to fit!

A/N: I figured it couldn't hurt to start medical prompting with a medical!au...

* * *

 

**This is a 27yo female presenting with a consistent headache that she attributes to an "abrasive, bitchy" colleague. Says the headaches began when she was forced to start working said colleague on a mutual patient. Other symptoms include palpitations, hyperventilation, and excessive sweating.**

**Assessment: W18 Other slipping, tripping and stumbling and falls**

**At this time, consider this to be secondary to the emotional response of attraction, possibly love.**

 

The first time she meets Dr. Alexandra Woods, she’s going over a CT scan with the radiologist. Her attending, though a friend of her mother’s, was anything but easy on her, so she tended to triple check every read before rounds. The radiologist had finally manipulated the image and contrast enough to clearly show the area of caviation in the upper lobe of the lung when the door blew open, blinding the two doctors with the bright lights of the hallway.

Blinking a few times to adjust her eyes to the sudden influx of light into the dark room, Clarke made out a woman’s figure. The other doctor made her way across the room in less than three steps, her outfit far too polished for a resident, but the red tag sticking out from behind her name badge matched the one Clarke wore herself.

Her hair was neatly pulled back in a tight bun, blouse perfectly pressed and slacks creased sharp enough to cut someone. Even her white coat looked designer. Add in the modestly high heels and Clarke felt like a slump in her ill-fitting hospital issued scrubs.

There were no introductions, no handshakes. Dr. Woods simply pulled out her folding clipboard from her jacket pocket and began to read off MRN’s for the patients she’d like to review scans for. Shooting Clarke an apologetic glance, the radiologist started pulling up the scans the brunette doctor requested 

Based on the nature of the scans, Clarke was able to deduce that she was likely with the neurology team. MRIs of the spinal cord and CT scans of the brain flashed across the screen faster than Clarke could even orient herself to attempt to read them. The radiologist could hardly type the numbers in quick enough for the rate Dr. Woods was reading the scans.

After a tense ten minutes, the other doctor brushed out of the room as quickly as she had arrived without a word of apology for cutting off Clarke or a thanks to the radiologist who put up with her requests.

“Sorry about her,” the radiologist mumbled.

“Nothing to apologize for. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I’m aware, but I felt bad stopping you mid-read to deal with her. It’s easier that way, unfortunately.” 

Clarke nodded, understanding what he meant after watching the other doctor in motion. “Who is she exactly?” 

“I’m surprised you haven’t encountered her yet. You’ve been here for what? Six months now?” She nodded. “Anyway, that was Alexandra Woods, third year neuro resident. She’s something of a prodigy when it comes to the brain.”

“Surprised I haven’t heard of her from Kane.”

The radiologist laughed. “He doesn’t talk about his star pupil over dinner?”

It was a no brainer who Clarke was to the majority of the hospital staff. She was Dr. Clarke Griffin. Dr. Abigail Griffin was the chief of surgery, and her husband, Dr. Marcus Kane, was the head of neurology. Dr. Clarke Griffin was bred to be brilliant, and brilliant she was. She was brilliant enough that her mother pulled some major strings and greased more than one elbow to get her residency transferred to Ark General after hearing that the older doctor’s medical school rival was hindering Clarke’s development as a clinician and chances at a cardiology fellowship down the road.

Clarke didn’t speak to her for over a month after that. It wasn’t that she was okay with the way that she was being treated at her old residency, but she hated having the elder Griffin fight her battles for her, especially in the field they both work in. She wanted to make a name for herself, not constantly be in the shadow of the world-renowned surgeon. That’s partially why she chose to avoid surgery like the plague. Of course she was a natural at it during her rotations in medical school, but every time she did something above the level of a MS4, it was _always_ because she was Abigail Griffin’s daughter, never because maybe she was just that skilled on her own.

So she chose the heart. She liked the heart, liked how it had a mind of its own in a way. Although cardio was the end goal, Clarke had to endure four years of an internal medicine residency to get to the good stuff. As a third year, Clarke was already well ahead of the fourth years and some of the younger attendings. She was bred to be brilliant. 

(+) 

The next time Clarke saw Dr. Alexandra Woods, she had the misfortune of being consulted on the same case as her. Clarke was stuck on the infectious disease service for two weeks, a standard rotation as part of her residency in internal medicine. It wasn’t that she hated ID, it was simply that antibiotics and pus were the bane of her existence. The majority of ID is antibiotics and pus. It wasn’t that she was bad at antibiotics or couldn’t handle the pus, they were just low on her tolerable things list.

Clarke was examining the patient who had presented with an infection in his hip joint and suffered a stroke a week later. Though the consult was strictly about the hip, the entire case was not sitting well with Clarke. From what she could tell, the patient was in perfect health prior to the joint infection, which had a definitive cause, but that didn’t explain why a perfectly healthy fifty-six year old would suddenly have a stroke. His cholesterol levels were fine, blood pressure better than hers, and he had no risk factors. It wasn’t adding up.

As she was examining the patient as best as she could given his limited function secondary to the stroke, Dr. Woods came into the room in a rush. She shook the family’s hands almost robotically before beginning to grill them with questions in regards to the patient that Clarke was still attempting to work with.

“What was his diet like?”

“Uh, dad ate healthy.” The patient’s daughter responded, shooting a glance over at Clarke.

Dr. Woods was flipping through some papers on her clipboard without even looking up. “Please define what you mean by healthy.”

“I don’t know…he never ate too much fast food. He was always active.” The daughter started to choke up. “We just don’t understand how this could’ve happened. He was fine. Sure, his hip hurt, but he was fine.”

Dr. Woods looked up from her notes and stared at the daughter who was now being quietly consoled by her brother. Clarke watched as the other doctor clammed up, looking from the family to the door and back again before finally looking over at the patient where Clarke still stood.

The other doctor cleared her throat slightly before looking down at her pager. “I apologize, but I have to take this. I will return later to discuss your father’s case.” Nodding once, as if assuring herself she was understood, she darted from the room. Clarke heard the automatic doors of the ICU open not a second later, likely freeing Dr. Woods from the awkwardness she created. 

(+) 

The third time Clarke met Dr. Alexandra Woods, she was working on a progress note for their mutual patient in the ICU. Something still wasn’t sitting right with Clarke in regards to the case, but she couldn’t seem to find the missing piece of the puzzle.

Scrolling back through the chart and looking back over the positive cultures that had recently returned from the hip aspirate collected in the OR, Clarke felt like the answer was right in front of her. She looked down at her watch with an old anatomic heart behind the ticking hands. She had five minutes before she was set to meet her best friends for lunch a block away from the hospital, so she signed the note quickly and logged off the computer. 

As she was about to stand though, her pager went off and she sighed, dropping back down onto the chair to use the workstation phone. She dialed the number that paged her, tapping her foot as she watched the hands on her watch tick closer to the hour. Balancing the phone on her shoulder, Clarke fished her iPhone out of her pocket and shot off a quick text to Raven and Octavia that she was likely going to be a little late. They would, unfortunately, understand. Such was the life of a resident and her two non-medical best friends. 

The other line picked up. “Hello, this is Dr. Alexandra Woods.” 

Clarke covered the receiver for a second as she swore under her breath. Of course, it just had to be her. “Uh, hi, Dr. Woods, this is Dr. Griffin. You paged me?” 

“Dr. Clarke Griffin?” 

“Yes, you are speaking to the younger Dr. Griffin.” Clarke was losing her patience very quickly as her stomach growled. “Now, you paged me?” 

“Correct. I wanted to discuss our mutual patient in 302. I see that you’re ordering a complete workup on him when you were simply consulted for an antibiotic recommendation. I was curious as to why?”

“I’m ordering the labs because I wanted a fresh set to look at.”

“But why?”

Clarke ran a hand through her hair, looking around the workstation. She happened to catch a head of curly brunette hair tamed with intricate braids sitting at one of the small pods a few feet away, and she had no doubt in her mind, the other doctor had noticed her at some point prior to the call. Rather than prolonging this phone call, Clarke hung up and walked over to the other woman with conviction. She was already late, and unless this was life or death, she was going to tell Dr. Woods to shove it where the sun don’t shine until after lunch. 

“Listen, Dr. Woods, I ordered the labs because I feel like we are missing something in regards to the stroke.” 

The other doctor spun to face her, a quick look of horror crossing her face before settling in her usual disinterest. A pair of black framed glasses were sitting over her green eyes, and Clarke couldn’t help but notice how beautiful the other woman could be if she wasn’t such an abrasive bitch all of the time. 

“The stroke is my concern, not yours.”

“The patient is our concern. There is no your concern or my concern, we are trying to help the same man.” 

Dr. Woods logged off of her computer and stood up to tower slightly over Clarke. “You were not consulted for the stroke; therefore, you should not be concerning yourself with it. Give the antibiotic recommendation, monitor the cultures, and stay out of my way, Dr. Griffin.” 

The other doctor shoved past Clarke in a rush. She was always rushing around. Clarke had a theory that she never actually stopped to eat or use the bathroom with the way she was constantly flying through the hospital, in and out of patient rooms like a medical robot. The elder Dr. Griffin had to be so pleased about this. Clarke is shocked her mother hasn’t brought the neuro resident up even once in some sort of twisted way to motivate her daughter.

(+)

The two doctors met again in her mother’s office. Clarke had received the page that she didn’t even need to call back to know where to go. Her mother’s office number always stirred up some emotions in the young doctor. 

She walked into the large glass office, the windows behind the desk opening up to a view of the city one couldn’t find anywhere else but the chief of surgery’s “penthouse” office. Dr. Woods was already seated in one of the two chairs that sat in front of her mother’s desk when Clarke walked in. 

Not sparing the brunette another glance, Clarke took the seat beside her. “You paged me, Dr. Griffin?” 

Abby removed her reading glasses and rubbed her temples briefly before folding her hands on her desk, her eyes flitting from one doctor to the other. “Yes, I paged you both because I was made aware by your respective attendings that you two seem to be contradicting each other at every turn on a mutual patient.” 

Dr. Woods opened her mouth to speak, but Clarke beat her to the punch. “I am simply looking at the big picture rather than the singular consult, following my medical gut as you have told me to do time and time again, but I’m not getting anywhere because Dr. Woods keeps cancelling my orders.”

Abby turned her attention to the accused doctor and nods for her to speak. “Dr. Griffin, I felt that given the patient’s current condition, the slew of tests the younger Dr. Griffin ordered would have put an unnecessary stress on the patient. The neurology team has been working up the stroke, which is what my colleague seemed to be attempting to do although she was consulted as part of the ID team in regards to an antibiotic recommendation.” 

“Is this true, Clarke?”

Clarke huffed, glaring daggers at the other woman before turning to face her mother. “Listen, something isn’t adding up with this case. The stroke does not fit, that’s why neuro is struggling to figure it all out. I was simply trying to approach it with a different eye, maybe not focusing so much on the brain, but instead the rest of the body. I would never try to undermine a colleague, not unless I truly felt what I was doing was for the good of the patient…You taught me better than that, mother.” 

Abby nodded, looking from one doctor to the other. “It seems you two have a similar passion for this case.”

“I hate feeling like I’m missing something, something big, and with this case, I know we are missing something.” Clarke ran a hand through her hair, sighing. “I feel like I’d be doing the patient and his family a disservice if I didn’t go with my gut on this.” 

“I hate not having a reason, Dr. Griffin.” Dr. Woods dropped her head, something had changed in her demeanor as she spoke to Abby. A wall had come down and Clarke felt like she was finally seeing the stressed resident behind the polished front.

Standing up from her desk, Abby turned to face her window looking out over Polis with her hands lightly crossed behind her back. Dr. Woods looked over at Clarke as she looked over at her, giving the other doctor a slight shrug. Abby may be her mother, but she had no idea what was going on in the elder Griffin’s head at that moment.

“Here is what I’m going to do.” Abby spoke slowly as she turned to face the young doctors. “I am dismissing you both from your respective services until this patient is discharged. I want you to work together to figure out whatever it is you’re both missing. I’ll keep your attendings in the loop, but this patient is officially my patient and you are both on my service.” The doctor sat back down in her oversized desk chair and smiled. “Any questions?” 

(+)

“I think we should get that complete workup I ordered stat.” Clarke spoke quickly as the other doctor walked quickly in front of her. She was almost positive she was trying to ditch her not even ten minutes after Abby had placed them on the same team with one singular focus. 

The other doctor mumbled something without turning and kept striding through the halls. Clarke is pretty sure she saw a medical student turn on his heel and run the other way at the sight of the neuro resident, not that she was surprised. She would have likely been terrified of Dr. Woods if she had been a student working with her.

“Hey!” Clarke sped up a step and grabbed the arm of Dr. Woods’ lab coat. She had meant for her wrist, but in the haste of the situation, she got straight coat, which led to the other doctor coming to an awkwardly off-balanced halt.

Dr. Woods gathered herself and yanked her sleeve from Clarke’s grasp. “Must you behave like a child?”

“I don’t know, Dr. Woods? I think you’re the one behaving like a three year old who didn’t get her way.” Clarke leveled a glare while crossing her arms. 

“If you had stuck to your assigned task – ” 

“Whoa, hold up one second!” Clarke moved forward into the polished doctor’s personal space. “You are the one who cancelled my orders.” She poked her in the chest. “You are the one who blew this whole thing out of proportion.” She took another step forward and the other woman took a step back. “You are the one too proud to ask for help because we both know damn well that you have no idea what caused the stroke.” 

The other doctor backed into a c.o.w., her usual composer falling for the second time that day as she looked nervously from side to side, likely wondering if anyone was watching the slight altercation. Clarke backed off as the woman’s breathing picked up a bit, noticing the sweat breaking out on her brow. 

“Are you alright?” Clarke watched as Dr. Woods seemed to slowly unravel at the seams in front of her. Without another thought, Clarke grabbed the other woman’s hand and led her into the stairwell. Luckily no one seemed to be taking a phone call or recording a dictation on the landing they stepped onto. Clarke pushed the girl into a sitting position on along the wall and squatted in front of her.

“Hey, Alexandra, I want you to focus on me, okay?” Clarke placed her hands lightly on the girl’s knees as she hugged them to herself. “Breathe in time with me. You’re on the verge of a panic attack or you’re already there, but I need you to focus on me and take some deep breaths.” 

The doctor took in a few short breaths, tears shining at the corners of her eyes. “I…I…can’t…”

“No, come on, Alexandra. You’re one of the most stubborn docs I know. You can do this. Deep breaths, in and out. In and out.”

She took a few shuddering breaths in time with Clarke’s words. “Please…don’t call me Alexandra.” 

“You would correct me when I’m trying to help you.” Clarke laughed a little as the girl’s breathing started to calm enough that she was able to give her a small smile. “What do you go by if not Alexandra? I mean, I can stick with Dr. Woods, but I was hoping we could at least get on a first name basis since we literally have one joint responsibility for the unforeseeable future.”   

“Lexa.” The other doctor drew in another deep breath while wiping the unshed tears away and moving to stand. “I’ve always hated Alexandra.” 

Clarke grinned. It was the most normal conversation she had probably had with the other doctor to date, so being the dork she was, she extended her hand. “Well then, hello, Lexa. I’m Clarke.”

Lexa took her hand, shaking her head and Clarke could swear she saw traces of a small smile as she did. “I’m well aware of who you are Dr. Griffin. The entire hospital knows of the infamous Clarke. In fact, I believe I overheard some of the veteran nurses on four talking about a young blonde who used to steal scrubs and try and see patients.” 

Clarke flushed and looked down at her feet. After her father’s death, Clarke spent a lot of time in the hospital. Her mother didn’t trust many with her only child, but she didn’t have the time to commit to being a full time parent. The hospital became Clarke’s playground. It was through those days of tagging along with the old nurses and more child friendly doctors that Clarke found her own passion for medicine. Passion enough that her younger self thought that she was prepared to see her own patients at the age of ten.

“I cannot confirm or deny those rumors.”

Lexa smirked. 

(+)

The working partnership was anything but a friendship, despite the unspoken ceasefire that had come from the day in the stairwell.

“That is by far one of the most idiotic differentials I have ever heard!” Lexa scoffed. “Did you even attend a class in medical school, Clarke? Or did you get by on your name alone?” 

Clarke dropped the stack of results she was looking at onto the table. That was a low blow and Lexa knew it judging by her self satisfied smirk. “I’ll have you know that I was top of my class, bitch.” 

Lexa let out a long whistle. “Wow, top of your class? The rumors must be true. Hopkins really did lower their standards over the past five years or so.” 

“Must be a trend then because I heard the same thing about Columbia.” Clarke shot back without missing a beat. “You were second, correct?”

Lexa muttered something under her breath before taking a long breath. Clarke knew she had won the battle. 

“Your differential is still shit.”

“Fine then, give me one inarguable medically relevant fact to rule out the possibility of a rare clotting disorder?” 

The other doctor flipped through some pieces of the chart that they had come to carry almost everywhere with them. After a few moments of silence, Lexa sighed. 

Clarke grinned and internally fist pumped a bit. “Okay, so we are going to order the full battery.”

Their ceasefire wasn’t exactly a ceasefire, but they were at least attempting to work together. Clarke counted that as a win, even if Lexa Woods still infuriated her to no end.

(+)

 “Dr. Woods, would you care to tell me why you are ordering yet another CT of our patient’s head?” Clarke stormed up to the other doctor where she sat at the busiest workstation scrolling through the most recent lab results.

“When your wild goose chase for some rare blood disorder came back as normal as possible, I decided we needed to look at the brain again.” Lexa didn’t look up from her computer as she explained her thought process at an insultingly slow pace. “We need to ensure there have not been any changes since the original scans, hence the head CT.”

“No, hence you exposing the patient to unnecessary radiation.” Clarke leaned over and hit the keyboard to log Lexa out of the computer. The doctor spun in her chair to face Clarke. “Now that I have your attention, why can’t you simply get a MRI if you insist on new scans?” 

“Because I like a CT more.”

“That’s some solid medical reasoning, Lexa. I’m beyond convinced we should do this scan now.”

Lexa rolled her eyes and stood to get her inch advantage on Clarke. “I’m the neurology resident. Leave the brain to me.”

“Fine, get your CT scan. I doubt you’ll see anything anyway.”

(+)

Clarke all but skipped into the resident’s lounge after seeing that the CT scans had come back without any abnormalities. She hated that they still didn’t have a clue what caused the patient’s stroke, but she didn’t that Lexa’s line of thinking was just as incorrect as her own. They really needed to work on another set of differentials.

The brunette was sitting at the table in the center of the room flipping through a worn copy of Harrison’s when the blonde strolled in, letting the door slam behind her. Lexa looked up with her glasses slipping down her nose and dark circles under her eyes. Clarke’s thoughts of throwing the normal CT scans in Lexa’s face flew out the window in that moment.

Taking a seat across the table from the other woman, Clarke took a better look at her. The resident was far from her normally polished state. Her white coat was wrinkled around the collar, and her blouse had an unidentified stain across the breast pocket.

“The CT was normal. If you’ve come to gloat, please save it because I am not in the mood to fight with you, Clarke.” Lexa pulled the glasses from her face and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“I think we need a night off.” Clarke stated before thinking about what she was suggesting. “Come on. Pack your bag. We are going to get out of here for a bit.”

“But it’s two a.m.?”

“And we aren’t getting any closer to an answer now than we were earlier in the day. We are both exhausted, so we owe it to the patient to go recharge a bit.” 

Lexa seemed to consider this fact for a minute before standing slowly and twisting to crack her spine. Clarke winced as she heard the vertebrae pop in sequence. She led the other resident out of the hospital to her car without a destination in mind. Clarke didn't know where she was going, but the destination didn't matter as much as the company she kept. She actually didn't mind possibly getting to know the other doctor sitting beside her outside of the hospital. Maybe Lexa would surprise her?  

(+)

 Clarke awoke to the ticking of her watch. She looked down at the face, watching the hands move around the heart, the soft mechanical tick clicking in the silence of the hospital’s library. Across the table from her, Lexa slept on her stack of results. It was a little after four in the morning, and the last Clarke could remember, they were discussing autoimmune diseases that could result in stroke. The had less than eight hours to figure out what could of caused the stroke before Abby discharged the patient as planned. The infection had mostly cleared and there hadn’t been a second stroke, there really was no clinical reason to keep the patient here another day. 

Leaning back in her chair, Clarke mentally went through the list of things they had ruled out over the past week while skimming over the chart that she knew inside and out. The mechanical tick of her watch continued to click helping her focus, grounding her in the silence. The mechanical tick. A click. Clarke looked down at the chart and instantly regretted the past week.

“Lexa!” Clarke slammed the copy of Harrison’s on the table, instantly startling the other doctor out of her slumber. “We need a TEE stat!”

Rubbing her eyes, Lexa yawned. “TEE stat. Got it.” Then her eyes opened wide as the words finally sunk in. “Wait, an echo, you don’t think – we missed – shit.”

“I know, I can’t believe I didn’t think of it. He has a mechanical valve. This was literally staring us in the face the entire time!” 

Lexa jumped out of her chair and powered up one of the computers along the wall. “Now would be a fantastic time to use your pull in this hospital, Clarke. I’ll put in the order. You get on the phone and get someone in here who can perform the echo as soon as possible.”

Clarke nodded, pulling her phone from her pocket and dialing a number she knew by heart but hated using for this reason.

Her mother picked up on the second ring. “Dr. Griffin.” Her voice was laced with annoyance. 

“Mom, I need you to get someone to rush a TEE for our patient.” 

There was a yawn. “Clarke, it’s about 4:30 in the morning. Can this not wait until at least 7?”

“In theory, but if I’m right, our patient could throw another clot at any moment, and we have just gotten lucky up to this point.” Clarke ran a hand through her hair as she paced. “Mom, please, this needs to be emergent.” 

Clarke could hear some shuffling on the other side of the phone. “I’m paging a resident now.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Clarke?” 

“Yeah, mom?” 

“You better be right about this.” 

“I wouldn’t have called unless I knew for certain.” 

Right as she was about to hang up the phone, her pager went off and Lexa’s could be heard vibrating on the library table. She met the green eyes of the other doctor from across the library. Neither had gotten a page in the past week. They were covering their patient so closely there was no reason to page them. Nothing had acutely changed with the clinical course. The infection was clearing.

Lexa was up and throwing anything that looked confidential into her bag before she grabbed her pager and ran. Clarke followed her out the door not a second later. 

Sprinting down the hallway, their sneakers squeaking on the slick hospital floor, they made it to the stairwell in record time. They couldn’t risk waiting for an elevator, even if their patient was currently on the twelfth floor. Lexa took the steps two at a time with Clarke close on her heels. They wound up the staircase quickly. 

Breaking through the door onto the twelfth floor, they could hear the commotion already going down the hall. The nurses’ station alarm was still sounding. A crash cart was rushed down the corridor. Lexa and Clarke shared a brief look before running to their patient’s room. 

The room was fully lit with a flurry of movement around the patient. A nurse was performing chest compressions while another bagged the patient above. Clarke was the first to react.

“Someone push epi and charge the paddles!”

Lexa moved to grab the necessary syringes. “How long has he been down?!” 

“About four minutes!”

“Everyone stand clear!” Clarke shouted as she moved to shock the patient. Pushing the paddles into his chest, the body rose with the jolt before settling back onto the bed. The alarms continued as the nurse jumped back into compressions. 

“Second dose of epi going in!” Lexa pushed the drug directly into the patient’s IV line. 

“Charging again. Increase the voltage.” 

Lexa and Clarke made eye contact as Clarke shouted for them to stand clear once more as she slammed the paddles down. The patient’s body jolted once more, but the heart stayed still. Lexa immediately jumped in with the next syringe as the team resumed compressions. They were not going to let him die, especially not after they had a reason for the strokes and a way to prevent future ones. He was not going to die on them now.

They continued to push drugs and defibrillate the patient at a constant rate, following their ACLS training to the book. The patient was not responding to anything though. The heart stayed in asystole. The blood only flowing though the body with the force of each compression. The minutes ticked on. Sweat was beading along Clarke’s hairline as she took her turn compressing the chest at the set rate. The ribs were long since broken. The sternum likely cracked under the force of the thrusts. 

Their patient was dying. 

Lexa looked at Clarke and nodded as they quickly switched off jobs and Clarke moved to grab the paddles again. The rest of the room had slowed their pace, but continued working with the doctors. Nobody dared stop until the young residents called time of death. 

Abby came through the door in scrub pants and a fleece, looking over the scene with tired eyes. “How long has he been down?”

Clarke pushed the paddles into his chest once more. “Doesn’t matter.” 

“Clarke…” 

“Thirty-six minutes.” Lexa spoke quietly with the next syringe of lidocaine in hand.

Abby gave her a brief nod. “Dr. Griffin, it’s time to stop.” 

“No.” Clarke stepped back and motioned for Lexa to deliver the lidocaine. 

“Dr. Woods.” Abby gave the other resident a look. “Please, put down the syringe.”

Lexa looked from Abby to Clarke and to the patient laying on the table. The beep of the flatlining EKG still ringing in the background. The nurses slowly stepped back, not wanting to get in the middle of the situation.

“Dr. Woods, Dr. Griffin, you have both done all that you could. I am ordering you to step back and call time of death. It’s over.”

Lexa placed a hand on Clarke’s arm as she slowly put the syringe down on the cart next to her. Clarke looked over at her with tears in the corners of her eyes. Lexa nodded and spoke softly. “Time of death, 0508.” 

(+)

The two residents stood in the private room with their patient’s family. Lexa motioned for the family to take a seat as they sat at the table across from them. When she opened her mouth to speak first, the words seemed to stick in her throat. Clarke watched her freeze and slowly choke up.

Placing a hand on the other doctor’s knee, Clarke turned to face the family. “You father had infective endocarditis, which is an infection of the inside of the heart. When he got the infection in his hip, we believe some of the bacteria likely seeded into his blood and his mechanical valve predisposed him to develop this sort of infection. The other possibility is that he had it all along and it is what caused the hip infection. We cannot say with absolute certainty which infection came first. What we do know though is the stroke was the result of a septic emboli or clot breaking off of the large bacterial vegetation on the valve. Last night he suffered a second stroke, which sent him into cardiac arrest not long after. We did everything we could, but we were unable to revive him. We are so sorry for your loss.”

The family had started to cry halfway through Clarke’s explanation, but had moved to full sobbing by the time she reached the end. Lexa reached down and took her hand, giving it a quick squeeze as she also expressed her condolences to the family.

(+)

Clarke reached into the cabinet to grab two rocks glasses before grabbing the bottle of bourbon off of the kitchen island and moving to the living room area of her loft. Lexa was sitting on the oversized couch still in her scrubs from the night before with her head in her hands, fingers tangled in her curls. Clarke took a seat beside her and uncorked the bottle, dumping two heavy pours into the glasses and sliding one over to the grieving girl beside her.

Lexa took the glass without a word and downed half. Clarke leaned back into the couch while tracing her finger around the rim of her own glass as she looked around her apartment. The brick walls seemed colder, her artwork dimmer. So this is what her mother felt like all those nights she’d come home with a heaviness across her brow?

The bottle of bourbon was a gift from Abby when she graduated medical school. It was an expensive bottle, and the older doctor told her she’d know when to open it after Clarke unwrapped it with a wicked grin. Now she knew why her mother said those words without a smile or even a laugh. It was for this moment right here. Not that she condoned drinking away the pain, but she felt like her mother had numbed her fair share of tough losses over the years.

It wasn’t as if Clarke believed that she’d never lose a patient. She had seen patients die in the past, and she’d see them die in the future. Unfortunately it was part of the profession, but this was the first patient that had truly been hers. This was the first patient to die because she failed. She failed the patient when she missed the key pieces of information. She failed the patient’s family. Clarke failed for the first time in her life and someone died.

“It wasn’t all your fault.” Lexa whispered.

“I was the one who missed the diagnosis though.”

“He was our patient. We both missed the diagnosis.”

Clarke kicked back a long pull of the burning liquid. “No, while I was on you about only looking at your system of choice, I ignored my own. I want to be a cardiologist, and I overlooked the heart.”

Lexa reached over and placed her hand on the blonde’s, meeting Clarke’s eyes. “Clarke, we both messed up. Yes, he didn’t have any of the major signs of an underlying endocarditis, but we spent the first week fighting and the second looking for some insane explanation. We are both at fault, but we will become better doctors because of this. Remember this pain, Clarke, and let’s do our damnedest to never feel it again.”

Clarke nodded as she looked away to watch the amber liquid swirl in her glass. “I just wished we would’ve realized it a few hours sooner. Had we not fallen asleep, maybe we would have come to the conclusions earlier in the night.”

“We cannot live our lives with what if’s.”

Clarke turned to face the other doctor, green eyes meeting blue. “No, we can’t.”

Lexa’s eyes flickered down to her lips as Clarke did the same. The two moved closer, their noses nearly brushing.

The loft door slid open and the two jumped apart on the couch, the moment evaporating as quickly as it had set in. The smell of takeout permeated the apartment and the crinkling of paper bags could be heard as someone made their way into the kitchen area of the loft. Clarke looked over her shoulder to see her mother setting some bags down on the counter, not noticing the two residents now sitting on opposite ends of the couch.

“Clarke – oh.” Abby looked up as she called for her daughter. “Dr. Woods, hello. I didn’t expect to see you here.” She moved to the living room area to talk with the two women. Eyeing the bottle on the coffee table, she grimaced a little. “I hate that you finally had to break that open, Clarke.”

Lexa placed her glass on the table and stood. “I can leave if you wanted to – ”

“No, Lexa, stay. I’m glad my daughter isn’t alone in this right now. I had come over to bring some provisions and maybe talk about it a bit for that exact reason, but seeing as she has you here, I can be on my way.”

Abby nodded to the young doctors and turned to leave when Clarke jumped off the couch and grabbed her mother’s wrist. “Wait, mom.” Abby raised a brow and looked at her daughter. “I just…I don’t…” Clarke couldn’t seem to find the words to express what she was feeling, but she didn’t have to because her mother just gave her a sad smile and pulled her in for a hug.

“I am so sorry for your loss, Clarke.” Abby whispered as she stroked her hair. Raising her voice a bit, she looked down at Lexa. “I am sorry for your loss as well.” She let go of Clarke and pulled back to wipe the tears from her daughter’s eyes. “This profession isn’t easy, and unfortunately you’re experiencing the hardest part of it right now. You cannot let it stop you or hinder you from this point forward though. Learn from your mistakes. You can take tonight and mourn, but I expect you back in the hospital tomorrow morning.” She looked over Clarke’s shoulder at the other resident. Lexa nodded.

With that, Abby informed them that she had brought a variety of chinese food and more ice cream than the two woman could even dream of consuming in one night. She warned them not to try and drink the pain away, although the bourbon was intended for Clarke’s first real loss as a physician. When she was done reminding them to take care of themselves and to not blame themselves for the loss, she left the loft with one final reminder that they were to report at five in the morning for their new assignments.

**1 year later**

Clarke sat at the workstation with a medical student going through some progress notes from the morning. Running a hand through her hair, she explained what the student needed to change or include in future notes, but cut her talk short when she noticed Lexa making her way to the only open station with her pager in hand.

Grinning, Clarke nudged the med student, pointed at the other doctor and whispered. “Watch this.”

The med student leaned back on her chair while Clarke strained her ears to hear was the neuro resident was saying. They watched as Lexa’s face paled and she slammed the phone down, immediately looking around until her eyes met the blonde’s. She glared and stalked over to Clarke. The med student turned back to her computer quickly, causing Clarke to roll her eyes and smirk.

“Dr. Griffin, that was beyond inappropriate, and I would appreciate it if you would stop with this immaturity.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Dr. Woods?” Clarke was trying her hardest not to laugh. “I’ve just been here helping – hey, what’s your name again?”

“Emily.” The med student mumbled, hardly looking at the two doctors.

“Yes, I’ve been here helping Emily become the best doc she can be. You know, because I’m so mature and responsible.”

Lexa lowered her voice and leaned down close to Clarke. “I cannot see any other reason why local strippers keep paging me and asking for Dr. HotPants other than you thinking it is hilarious to disrupt my day.”

The student choked a little, and Clarke reached over to pat her back with her eyes on Lexa the whole time. “Well, Dr. HotPa – I mean, Woods, that seems like quite the predicament you have on your hands.”

“You’re going to pay for this, Griffin.” Lexa growled out, straightening up and fixing her white coat.

“Looking forward to it, Woods.” Clarke winked. “Hey, while you’re here, are you cooking dinner tonight or am I?”

Lexa’s features softened as she shook her head. “I’m on until 7:30, you?”

“Should be done by 5 if nothing new comes in, so I’ll handle it.”

Lexa nodded and stuck her hands in her coat pockets while rocking back on her heels a bit. “See you at home then?”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Of course, I’ll see you at home. Love you.”

“Love you too, Clarke.” Lexa grinned and fiddled with her stethoscope for a second before walking away at her usual breakneck pace.

The med student turned in her chair with a brow raised. “You and Woods?”

“You didn’t see or hear anything, got it?” Clarke gave the girl a good glare. “Speak of this and I’ll make sure you’re on neuro for the rest of your clinical.”

The student nodded quickly and turned back to her progress note. “So, what were you saying about including the labs?”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments, kudos, et cetera are welcome! 
> 
> Come hang out, prompt, chat, whatever you feel like over here ---> http://paging-woods.tumblr.com/


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